Sunday night I crawled into my mom's bed around midnight to spend the night with after giving her another dose of morphine. She was comfortable, though her breathing took such effort that the bed rocked a little with each inhale. I woke up three hours later to stillness. I touched her cheek and it was cold.
My mother dedicated her entire life to serving others, especially her children. My older brother is schizophrenic and he lived with her until I moved her in with me in October. After retirement, she formed a non-profit that hired the mentally ill to refurbish computers, which they then sold to low-income/elderly/needy.
She was also a fighter. She had COPD for 25 years and even at Christmas time she was doing so well that I started wondering if she didn't have a few more years in her. We had a wonderful holiday with her here, my brother flew out and we played games and enjoyed the children. She really rallied for it and I think afterward, was finished.
I will miss her very much.
At this point I still have a million little thoughts about her as if she were alive. This morning I heard someone snort in their sleep and my first thought was whether she needed anything. After my shower I remembered I had laundry in the dryer and started to wonder if she had any that needed doing. Just now I realized I couldn't tell my daughter to bring her brush to Grandma and ask her to help brush her hair.
I'm trying to raise my consciousness around death. I don't believe it needs to be a sad thing, although my emotions aren't agreeing with me yet. I believe in life after death. I've already had a "message" from her. I was remembering sadly that she never finished teaching my daughter to play "Jingle Bells" on the piano, as she'd started to do. I thought I would use my inheritance for piano lessons for my daughter and my whole body suddenly flushed with warmth. I think that meant she approved.
My psychic friend called yesterday afternoon to say that she could see my mom and she had a message for me. She said she could see she was with my grandma and, did she have a sister who had died? I'd forgotten that I had an aunt who died before I was born. Of course they were waiting for my mom on the other side. Through my friend, my mom said how much she loved me, that she regretted that she'd held a barrier between us to prevent us from being closer, that she was sorry she'd parented my brother more (I never minded). It was absolutely beautiful and for the rest of yesterday I felt quite peaceful.
This morning not so much, but I will keep working on it.
How about you - any after death messages from the departed? I'd love to hear about them if you want to share. I'd prefer to hear your experiences than to receive condolences, if you know what i mean.
Thanks so much for listening!!